Struggle in Faith.

I'm a Christian. I'm not a very good example of one though, I cuss like a sailor, I drink way too much, I don't go to church, and I don't typically pray often. The whole thought of Heaven & Hell scare me senseless.

I was never raised through Faith, we're a Christian family, but we aren't too heavy into it. I wasn't raised in Church, I wasn't raised to pray at the dinner table, I wasn't baptized, & I never knew any verses by heart until now. I was raised to be kind, to love everyone in spite of the differences between us, to be sympathetic, to understand, and for me, that is what being a Christian is about. The bases of what I believe are to be kind & to love without conditions.

A big thing I've noticed about Christians, not all of them, but some, is that they will pray, go to church, all of that, but remain hateful & spiteful, which isn't very Christian-like in my opinion.

I have been looked down on by certain Christians, I've had people try to water me down, or change me, to fit the mold in Faith they've made for me. I've been told countless times I won't make it into Heaven.

I was with a man for years, he was a Preachers son, and he was worse than I was, but because he was raised in Church and his father was the Preacher, he got a free pass. We were sitting in his apartment one night and we were talking about Faith, and he told me I'd be going to Hell for my actions, and that I was an awful Christian. For a while, I believed him.

Here recently, it's hit me, like a slap in the face, God never stops giving you chances.

He is selfless, and understanding, he's God, and he is good. He never stops helping you, you don't run out of chances. It doesn't matter how many times you fall short, or mess up, his love is unconditional.

Church isn't the only place you should worship God.

You can worship him at home, outside, in the store, wherever. He is good regardless.

I am not the best example of a Christian, but I'm getting better. I can appreciate his never ending love. His countless chances. In walking this journey, I've found beauty in stillness like never before.